My friend, Rob, and I have a running joke that we're both just pretending to be college students. We keep each other updated on how well we're fooling the people watching us. But honestly, sometimes I don't really believe we're just kidding.
It's really easy for me to think, "Elizabeth, you were in high school like, yesterday. Nobody really believes you belong here. Go home to your mother." I turned 20 the other day, and I mean, I think that makes me an adult: my parents are no longer legally required to support me financially and I can do all kinds of things: get tattooed, buy cigarettes, vote, sign up for the army, get married without permission...
I feel like a child. I mean, like, today, I felt like a child: completely unable to handle myself. I forget I'm not perfect and I forget that I need to cut myself some slack. I focus on the fact that I forgot to go to the humanities study session (I'm the tutor) and forget that I did a fairly decent job on my sermon this morning.
If college is about finding out who you are, then I think I'm confused. Some days I feel posh and sophisticated and other days (like today) I'm afraid they'll realize I'm just pretending and make me go home.
Even this blog post: I feel like it's less than my usual, but I don't have a happy "let's think about the moral of this story" way to tie it into something positive. I feel sort of awful right now but Meg asked me to blog and so I have. Oh, I know. I'll share a Bible verse. How epically Christian is that? :P
"The Lord gives me strength and a song. He is my salvation."
I guess the song I'm singing right now is A Song About An Anglerfish by Hank Green. Enjoy my irreverence.